End of Story?

I can’t deny that I was quite disappointed with the proceedings in the follow-up meeting. That the community was not willing to walk the path of self reliance was evident. But for the first time, there seemed to a motive other than what we’d set out for.

I can still not understand why Accord should not withdraw. It should have; long ago. The survival of the community was at stake when Accord came into existence. The mission was accomplished long ago. Now, its withdrawal can possibly help the community. But for the first time, I realized that existence of Accord was important. Why? I still don’t know.

I reflected long on the question. I think that every NGO reaches a stage where its need to serve becomes more important than the needs of its beneficiaries. No beneficiary ever says, “Enough! I don’t need more.” Employees of the NGO get to feel good about committing themselves to a cause. They get paid lesser than their counterparts in business enterprises. They feel a sense of charity about the difference rather than being accountable for what they’re paid. Donors are willing to donate; in fact they don’t want to let go of an NGO, whose actions are not suspected.

It seems like a win-win for all. The small doses of ill-effects are easy to ignore. If they’re taken seriously, they threaten the stability of the system.

I don’t know if my thoughts are the truth. It is, however, the truth I know today. I wrote an e-mail to Stan.

Hi Stan.

I’d wanted to talk to you for a long time, but opportunities were very limited during July and August. Nonetheless, e-mail is an equally good (perhaps better) mode for both of us.

You know that we had to evaluate two subjects during our stay here. First, whether Gudalur suits us to settle down and second, what role can I play with regard to the community bank. I have been very clear that these subjects were mutually exclusive.

I was quite certain that whatever decision we take on the community bank, I will be able to play my part by visiting here at a pre-defined frequency. I’d been very open to the possibility that the suggested path of self-reliance would be rejected by the community. That is why I’d suggested that we evaluate all three options and go with whatever the community deems right. Then we had the work-shop and after that the follow-up meeting with the smaller group. After the meeting, it was clear which side the leaders were inclined.

I must say that I’ve been extremely satisfied with the communication of ideas and the discussions around it. Your understanding was clearer than whatever I said on the subject. I’ve never been understood clearer than what you did. The decision on the course of action is a separate subject. I respect the decision and I don’t feel that I could have done or said anything more that would have altered the decision.

However, I find that I’m not aligned to the thought process and the decisions taken. But that’s nothing new. Lately, I find myself out of alignment with most people and thinking. At least in this case, I’ve had my say and have the satisfaction of being understood completely. I don’t consider the decision wrong at all. It is what it is. Right or wrong is a very complex question and cannot be answered conclusively even after a few decades.

I appreciate and understand your stance on the subject, though prima facie, it seems as if it is not in line with the discussions during 3 months.

Under the circumstances, I don’t know if I can really play any meaningful role for the community. Being out of alignment apart, my training and professional traits are too task oriented for the work culture here. I’m holding back my thoughts on the existing work / projects because I find myself thinking at a very fundamental level, which is very disruptive by its nature.

All of us have enjoyed our stay in Gudalur and have gained so much love and affection. I wish I hadn’t let you down, but I can’t help it. I hope you understand.

We’ll always remain in touch.

With lots of love,

Shantanu.